having the life sucked out of you

its scary how i looked into the mirror today and saw a stranger staring back at me.

this stranger no longer had the sparkle in his eyes, the fire that drives him on, the passion that keeps him fuelled or the bewilderment of all things.

this stranger no longer had a smile on his passive face, a trait he often wondered about for so many others whom he crossed paths with.

this stranger no longer looked purposeful, or confident.

i'm a little bit afraid. i really am.

happiness, where have you gone?

i'm getting tired and i need something to hold on to.

-RomE

i've found it.

you dont need something to look forward to, life itself will throw you unexpected pleasures while you just live it and you cant even plan them.

how do you plan to see a shooting star in the middle of a navigation exercise?

who would have thought playing with a stray black cat could be so fun?

being happy at the thought of how an eye-candy said you were cute?

arh, and im not so depressed now. all is good in the world.

i've finally found out the reason why life has come to such a standstill. im not happy.

theres no thrill in life, theres no excitement, no emotion, no adrenaline. nothing to look forward to in the near future.

its like walking down life's winding road but suddenly i stopped and thought about why i am walking this road in the first place.

even conversations with my best friends have become routinely and not as enjoyable as times before.

everyday's just another day. and i dont know how to escape from this.

today was spent like a typical day during my polytechnic years.. and even if i hope so much for it to come back, it just didnt feel as good as it did last time.

i think i need change, i need something new.

but where can i find it?

i'm stuck.

it could be the flu thats residing in my body, the hot weather or just my mind in a fuzzy state.

but right now at this point in time, i'm stuck.

and i cannot differentiate between what matters and what i want anymore.

life has become so mundane, so.. dare i say it? meaningless.

if not for my 3 Fs, i'd have gone crazy

Family, Friends and Future.

stay true.

on my bed i lie awake at night hoping that i'd never fall asleep,

the surrounding that's all too familiar gives me an unimaginable comfort.

i know that when i close my eyes and morning comes,

the next night will not be as beautiful as tonight.

with pleasure under pressure?

past 2 weeks have been a whirlwind in my life, unit life is seriously so different from training school.. until now im still not quite adapted to their working ways.

work/life balance? no such thing exist in my life right now.. really have to find the motivation to go on for the next 1 year of my life.

5 Cs i swear i will stick to:

DON'T

Complain: because it doesn't help in anyway, in the end you'll still have to go through it

Compare: because its what you make of the situation you're in, comparing yourself with others will just make you unhappy

Curse: yourself or others because it makes things worse

Change: yourself just for the sake of pleasing others, remain a strong individual and believe in yourself.

Cry: because its better to smile even if you're 6 feet underground and your body and mind is pushed to the limits.

The next 1 year of my life belongs to the SAF, and there's nothing i can about it. and since its gonna take so much away from me, i might as well take as much as i can away from it too.

goodbye good life, i'll see you when i ORD.

-RomE